• Kristina Mulligan

I've Made Up My Mind...

Baby showers.

I’d been planning my baby shower my whole life. To me, it was as big of a deal as my wedding and as our journey through infertility grew longer, the more important it became. When I got pregnant after three years of treatment, I was so elated for the obvious reasons, but I looked so forward to our baby shower. We could celebrate this new miracle and also ourselves, for making it through such a difficult time of our lives together. I picked the dream venue, designed beautiful invitations for my guests, and hand created the perfect fun-but-not-cheesy games. Everything was set for March 4th, 2017, including a maternity photoshoot with a floral dress better than my wildest dreams.

The only problem was that I was no longer pregnant on March 4th. My baby was in the NICU, and I had become a patient of the ICU.

Before my readmission to the hospital (more on that later), I had gone back and forth in my mind on whether or not to still have my baby shower. I was pretty much decided that I was too sad to host a party. I didn’t want the gifts I couldn’t use, see people and have to answer their questions on when Flynn was coming home, or simply be somewhere that wasn’t the NICU. Plus, I was recovering not only from trauma, but from surgery. Some tried to convince me otherwise and I deeply considered their opinions and was on the fence, but then my mind was made up for me. We had to cancel everything and, to this day, even though it sounds silly, I haven’t attended another baby shower. My heart was shattered in so many ways and I haven’t been able to pick up the pieces enough since. It’s forever a reminder of what I missed during that time...

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